I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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