you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
