...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
