The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
