Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
