just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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