So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
