I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
