i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
