does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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