my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize