My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
