He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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