Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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