whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
