she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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