No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
