if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if only i could text you this smell
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
