can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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