It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
