I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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