Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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