The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
