Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
