areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
