Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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