I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
