It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
