thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
