I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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