What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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