You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
