the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the condom got lost in my hair
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
