i think my tv is drunk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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