If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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