Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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