LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
