She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize