i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
