Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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