Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
