I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
