He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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