he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
