Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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