It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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