why do cheetos always look like penises
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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