Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
