I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
