he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
