For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
