My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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