i don't like sucking hair
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
