I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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