ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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