I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
