You really coming over, don't trick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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