I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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