so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
