Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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