so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize