More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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