dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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