i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
