Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
